I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sarcasm needs its own font
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
