I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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