R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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