so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
