It's Friday. Sex?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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