My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
