I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just cropdusted the office
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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