After last night, I could never be a politician.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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