Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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