She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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