9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
