piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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