Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
