God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
