Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
