can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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