# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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