Please, let me fuck your mom
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
