I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We named our party play list daddy issues
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
