he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
