i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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