I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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