Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
