i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
