Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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