I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
