tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
