Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
