Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
