3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
