Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
