its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
