I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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