3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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