so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
