dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
