I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
