My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
