He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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