I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
