i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
