Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
