her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
