We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
