I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover