So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
