piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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