What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
