somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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