You don't have asthma, your pregnant
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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