something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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