Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
