i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
