she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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