Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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