So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
