Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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