it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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