Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
