well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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