When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
