yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
