She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
