I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drake has all the answers
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
