I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
