If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
