i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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