Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
