why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
