Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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