Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I currently don't understand fingers.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
