I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
