I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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