i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
