he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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