If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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