My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Bring me that man meat
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
