Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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