I wish you could order shots online.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my liver is dry heaving
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
