He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
