Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
