If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
