I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
