Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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