Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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