Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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