I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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