Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
