Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
