The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
