Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
